Teenagers need proper sex education in order to avoid pregnancy. The issue is been increasing day by day due to over exposure to the media. At the age of education and career, these kids are getting pregnant. Few are forced to abort, few make a choice to give birth and few are not able to carry the baby due to lack of care.
Here’s a 21-year-old lady shared her story on Reddit saying how she got pregnant at 19 and chose not to abort. She also says abortion is a woman’s choice. Read her story
“I am 21-years-old with a baby who is 1 year and 8 months old. I became pregnant at 19 for my then-boyfriend-ish dude. He isn’t really in the picture anymore, with his whole heart. He has his own life with a new girlfriend, he studies, he parties, he goes on vacations. He has a fun and active life. That fun and active life doesn’t leave that much of time for our daughter. His effort is maybe once a month, usually a lot less, reaching out to ask how she is doing, otherwise it is 99% of time me who sends the whatsapp messages (who are left unanswered) and calls (who he seems to ignore happily pretty often), trying to get him see our daughter.
He doesn’t pay child support since he is a broke student, but most of all we had a deal of leaving third parties out of this to have his relationship with her as good as possible. In his words, he will make it up with love with what he can’t pay. Obviously I am considering to break our “deal” since he has 0 respect to it anyway. It will be a long, exhausting fight where I will be the cruel, money-thirsty manipulating bitch, his new girlfriend will see me doing this because I want to sabotage their relationship and he will be the victim.
Anyway, this post wasn’t about my ex, I don’t know why I wrote about him. Maybe because I just saw his instragram travelling photos from exotic beaches and felt a sting of jealousy and saddness.
As I said, I was 19 when I became pregnant. You know those girls who say “I always wanted to be a mother!”? Yeah, I am the complete opposite of that. I can’t understand that, like someone would be speaking a different language. What do you even mean with that?? How can someone dream of having children? My first instinct was to abort, immediately after I took the test. I don’t like kids. I never wanted to be a mother. I never, for a second, dreamed of having kids in my life.
My then-boyfriend, took a strong pro-life stand, but made it clear he will respect my choice even if I abort. He didn’t push or bully me to anything, let’s make that clear. What he did do, though was that he did manipulate me with a rosy view how fun it will be to play with our little kiddo. In his mind it was only ponies and rainbows. I thought we will raise this kid together. He told me so, very clearly.
I did book an abortion date. The days before that after school I spend scrolling through pro-life-websites, youtube-videos, sites (even reddit) where women like me where called a whore, why didn’t I use contraception, this is my punishment, I will go to hell for this. I could spend 9-10 hours glued on my phone and fall asleep at 3-4 in the morning, since I was too anxious to sleep. My mom was the only one who was relieved that I will abort and supported me. My crazy religious relative (the nuts one in our family) who got to know about my situation and harassed me that I will “pay for my sins”. Good stuff like that.
I live in probably the best country in the world for women. I am not religious. I have never been religious. My country’s overall position to abortion is very relaxed and respectful towards the women. The conditions to keep my child as a poor (well, let’s be honest, I had no income then, have no income now) woman are the best in the world. We have a fantastic welfare system, free health care, free education. Everything. I saw that a lot on those so called pro-life sites, and have seen them later on. Women who say they are feminist and want the conditions to be so well women don’t have to abort. I had those conditions.
From that day I became pregnant (or let’s say, more precisely, that first day when I started to scroll those websites) I have lost my real will to live. That kind of will that makes you dream and enjoy life. That kind of passion where youlook forward to things. Where you are anxious to go to the world and fight for your place in life. Anything can happen, life is so exciting and fun. That was my life before I became pregnant. I had dreams of university, maybe a foreign husband, erasmus, travelling, partying, experiencing. Learning languages, dancing till the morning, drinking, making friends.
The day before my abortion I had the worst panic attack, my first. After that there has been plenty. I cancelled my abortion the morning of it. I felt enormous relief.
Let’s be honest about the reasons here: I, a person who was raised in a very non-religious-only-namely-christian household, was convinced I am going to hell if I do this. Yes, you read that right. I would never confess this to anyone else, ever, but I did not keep this baby because I saw a future with her or because I wanted to, I did because I did not see that I could terminate it now. I felt 100% trapped, everything was over. The mistake was already happened, nothing could save me anymore. Either I was going to be a baby-killer or then I was going to have a stupid, boring life. No good options.
I am more pro-choice today, as a mother for a very challenging but beautiful almost 2 year old, than ever. I know motherhood now. I know what my life is now when I had this child. I lost myself. I am still not in the university because I can’t concentrate on reading for the entrance exam with her. I am trying this year, but it won’t happen. I am exhausted. Money is tight and it is very strictly controlled, even though because I live in an awesome country I am not missing anything.
More than anything, life is lonely. My friends are living their own life, no one is a mother. I am the boring, frumpy shell that is nothing like what I used to be. I have strecth marks, my boobs are sagging at 21, I am overweight. I had a very difficult and painful birth that still manifestates itself today in form of me having trouble of holding on farts. I don’t use make up anymore, nor do I dress up since I don’ have money for clothes and I hate my appearance so much there would be no point anyway. Oh I am sorry, I know that when women become mothers appearance and “superficial stuff” don’t matter at all since we don’t care about anything else than our children’s welfare. If we do, it is just to please our husbands. Well, I don’t have a husband, and I mourn the loss of my looks very much. It affects my self esteem.
I am perfectly aware how society even the most feminist, free countries in the world sees single mothers. I am a fuck up, a mess up, I was “pumped and dumped”, I deserve this. No good man wants me anymore. I have lost even the boys who used to be my friends, not to mention when my boyfriend left us absolutely no one was interested in me anymore.
I spend my days with my little human. I take care of her, I feed her, I bathe her, I play with her, I go to the park with her, I read to her. I am constantly, absolutely constantly, scared of parenting her wrong. I try to learn about parenting methods which I can’t seem to really keep up with in real life.
Now, let’s get to the important part of my mindless, long rambling: I love her. With all my heart. I have short times of immense joy with her. My life is for her. I am trying to get into university in a field that would have 9-16 days so I can construct my life around her. I will fight with everything I have to ensure she has a good life.
If I was sent to that day right now, holding my phone with shaking hands, convinced I have to cancel my abortion, would I still do it? No. I wouldn’t. I would abort.
People don’t like extremely complicated answers, answers that actually reflect life that is hard and has a million different view points. They want “oh not aborting was the most wonderful decision of my life, my child gave me a reason and happiness and everything”. They don’t want young women with no realistic opportunities to support themselves without the help of the government to have children, but will judge those who abort.
If I could, I would go back and abort in a heart beat, actually understanding what it means to stay up alone all by yourself, be left my your boyfriend who has the freedom to just merrily fuck off to his exciting student-life bubble with our old friends. I would understand how taxing the bodily, mental and hormonal changes are. I would understand, than once you have a child that’s it. Your life is over, or at least put on on hold, and you never get life or those precious years of freedom, fun, studying and networking back. The reason people make babies in stable marriages is because parenting is FUCKING HARD. It is FUCKING EXHAUSTING. I would give anything in this world to do this when I am significantly older, with a supporting husband, living our on own money, in house. It would be wonderful to have that now, but still it wouldn’t be what I really want in life. It would still be a second-place good.
I don’t need help, or reassuring, or cheering or “it will be get better when that baby reaches age x”-thing. Nor I am looking for compassion. I know clear well my post comes off as a selfish, whining bitch. That’s how women are seen. We have a motherhood myth, and if you don’t fit in you are a monster. I don’t need advice or “why don’t you just adopt/quit bitching and enjoy what you have/at least you have a healthy child/most people have it worse”. I don’t give a fuck. I know perfectly well I am a good mom and will be a good mom, and I will do everything for her. However I don’t like it, I don’t like my life. Its lost.
I have been to the doctor and yes I am depressed. I don’t need “this is your post natal depression speaking, it will get better when you get sleep, when she is an adult you are grateful for her blah blah, you would be depressed anyway”. I don’t believe depression being an illness that just pops out randomly for no reason at all. I am depressed because I hate my life and have no way out, and the reason it is because I hate being a mother. You can reverse every single thing in life except having kids and death.
TL;dr: Women who are pregnant and thinking whether or not to abort: Do not give a single fuck for any outside opinion. Not the opinion of your boyfriend, or even husband, relative, friend, church member, whatever (I know the husband and boyfriend-part will trigger a massive roar, don’t care.) . Look at your life in the future, what you want, and then act accordingly. Keep your child ONLY if you WANT TO BE A MOTHER. Everything else, finances, relationships, people shaming and guilt-tripping you, is bullshit. I am not encouraging anyone to abort. I am saying that in the end no one else will be there, and it will be you and only you, with your one, unique life. It needs to be your decision you know you can live with the rest of your life. Those people wanting to influence you are not going to care or help you in the end.
Every mistake in life doesn’t get a second chance to rectify it. So, it is always better to do things in a safe manner.
Please share your views on abortion in the comments section below.