Pregnant Wife

A man frantically speaks into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" The doctor asks. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Double Talking Women

A husband shows his wife a study which indicates that on the average men use 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000.
The wife thinks about this and then tells her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. The husband turns from the paper and says, "What?"